Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?


Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?

This is an age-old question, and there have been numerous answers to this questions, including When Harry Met Sally and many dating blog posts. And I’ll tell you this, the answer is not really, unless one party is gay. So a gay guy and a straight woman, a straight guy and a lesbian, or even better, a gay guy and a lesbian can certainly be friends, no problem. Things between a straight man and a straight woman get dicey.

I used to believe that men and women can be strictly platonic friends. I have always been bro-kinda chick. I have always had mostly guy friends. I used to think they are more fun. And I shunned girls. I still tried to hang out with girls, but I would always default to men. I have heard many women say men and women can’t be just friends, to that, I snickered, and thought I was the exception.

Except that I was not, I was just stupid. I came to this sudden realization and I am done with having way more guy friends a straight woman should, and not having enough female friends to talk to.

One day everything changed. I fell in love with one of my friends. Then I suddenly completely understood how the others felt. (Not in love, but in lust)

I realized that I am dysfunctional. I am naïve. Worst of all, I am a tease.

Every surreptitious glance, unspoken feeling and weary smile that happens in the space between every straight and single guy friend and me has been accumulating and marinating. And this epiphany just erupted suddenly. I have had enough of this nonsense.

I was stupid to think that my guy friends just want to be friends. Let’s be real. They have lustful thoughts and they want to do certain things to my you-know-what. There is no other way to put it. I know some of my guy friends are waiting for the day that I somehow break down and run into their arms and beg for sex. I know in my heart that with some of them, it’s never going to happen. Therefore I shouldn’t hang out with them. I shouldn’t get their hopes up.

I was hanging out with one of my guy friends last night. As we are walking on the right side of the sidewalk, and I was walking to the left of him, he kept walking into me, which made me at one point end up smack in the middle of the sidewalk, having to stop to let a stroller pass me by. We stopped by a guitar shop. I wanted to take a selfie with him (shouldn’t have) and then his arm was suddenly around me. We arrived at the back of a bar. It was a comedy show. The seating situation is cramped. I purposely sat a row behind him, a bit to his left. During the show, my eyes are completely fixated on stage, but he at times, glanced back at me. I never once glanced back, simply because I knew I couldn’t reciprocate. Then afterwards, I was relieved to see him stay at the bar and then I happily took the train alone.

Another time I saw an off-Broadway play with a guy friend (ex-friend now). As we were walking to the theater side by side, my hands were in my pockets and he tried to put his arm around my arm. I had to let go of him. Then during the show, he kept looking at me while my eyes were fixated by the performance on stage. He tried to take my hand. And I couldn’t let him. Keep in mind that this is a guy who I explicit told “I just want to be friends”. And somehow, he just couldn’t take the hint.

I have another guy friend who would just stare at me for a few seconds too long. He would talk about his deepest feelings and say I look good.

I have another guy friend who once took my hand and traced my lifelines in my palm in a cab on the way to his apartment. We watched Girls, which includes a lot of nudity and sex. He smacked my butt multiple times despite my protest. He would ask me to sit on his lap as we go through his music collection.

As I am recounting these experiences, I am realizing what a moronic woman I am. What kind of woman would show friendly interest in a guy and expect the guy, who happens to be single and straight, not to have any sort of feelings, and naively believe that they share a platonic friendship?

I am reinventing my social life. I am going to only hang out with my guy friends in group settings. And I need girls. Never in my life I feel the need to be a normal woman and gossip with other straight women about my pains and aches resulting from men. By doing so, I am wielding to the true nature of the relationship between men and women. More importantly I am opening myself up to love. I am ready to actually be with a man whom I love and who loves me. I want to move on to the next phase of my life without the pretentious crutches of platonic guy friends.

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